5 Egregious Amphi Traits (E.A.T.s)
Careful cataloging of some of Amphi's lesser
desirable habits has led me, your Amphipoda,
to list and comment on the following;
1) Heavy drinking - All Amphis will eventually
take to drinking. It may be a genetic phenomenon,
however I feel it is environmentally induced. Over
time and due in part to exposure to vast quantities
of water... eventually even YOUR Amphi will take a
sip. After that it's only a matter of time before your
Amphi decides drinking and bathing go hand-in-hand.
2) Bilging in public - Amphi's have never really
enjoyed the luxury of privacy. Being such publicly
viewed curiosities is, by default, an unfair burden on
our poor Amphis. Like an animal in a zoo, Amphi's
every move is witnessed and scrutinized. It is not
possible for Amphi to escape the unwavering public
eye and therefore bulging in public must and does
occur.
3) Unforgiving Engine Compartment - If you have
ever dropped a tool or a replacement part down into
the nook under Amphi's engine then you know what
I'm about say... it's unfair that Amphi keeps my best
and most expensive hardware under his oil pan. What
could Amphi possibly need or do with these items? I
want them all back, all 37 of them, but haven't the
time or energy to yank Amphi's engine.
4) Ease of Access - Amphi must appear like some
sort of a Disneyland ride to people. Most folks help
themselves to a fin grope, which is no bid deal, but
some go for the prop spin, others even take a seat.
If Amphi weren't so damn cute this wouldn't be an
issue. Has anyone tried painting giant teeth on their
Amphi's front end like a WWII airplane?
5) DMV Confusion - Sort of comical in a way, but
eventually a level of frustration is achieved similar
to that of trying to poke warm butter a baboon's arse
with salad tongs. Amphipoda tip: take photos of
your Amphi swimming, on land, in the garage, on
the freeway, and flying over the nearest city. These
will be invaluable when convincing your local DMV
rep that your Amphi is not only amphibious, but
also has plans for total world domination.
In my next installment I will unlock the 5 most ingenious
Amphi traits... stay tuned my amphibious amigos... same
finned time, same finned channel.
Amphipoda (chilled to the fins)
`64 Turquoise (cold blue color)
San Diego, CA (44 degrees - Burrrr cold)
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