amphipoda

   

Dear Wet Behind the Ears,

Your wife problem is not unique and can be
resolved with a combined mix of two methods.
First is to convert your wife into a mermaid via
weekly doses of a drug called Amphicaromine.*
The other method involves a great structural
reconfiguration of your garage and bedroom.

*Amphicaromine: A drug or other substance
that stimulates the central nervous system.
Often highly addictive, tremendously habit-
forming, characterized by seemingly interactive
euphoric sensations and symptoms of floating
combined with sinking anxiety and perspiration.
Dramatically accentuates sense of hearing (i.e.,
ability to hear the formation of rust particles and
rubber decay). Prolonged usage has, in rare cases,
produced gill-like protrusions from the neck or
abdomen and/or webbing between digits, and/or
fin-like protrusions from the spine.
Addicts call it "Amphi" for short, although it is
sometimes referred to as "AmFacar." An Amphi
addict fix is usually obtained near large bodies of
water, and depending upon region/climate may
occur year round, but most commonly during Spring
and Summer months.
Those addicted to Amphicaromine are uniquely
bonded in the belief they have aquatic abilities
dissimilar to their non-addicted counterparts.
Never give Amphicaromine to a child or laymen.
Caution should be taken when encountering an
Amphi addict who is en route to obtain a fix.
Treatment for Amphicaromine addiction has
not yet been discovered, although the addiction
tends to work its course over time due the un-
availability of several rare Amphicaromine key
ingredients and it's severe strain on the addicts
financial resources.
Note: Various clinical studies are currently underway
to evaluate the potential benefits of Amphicaromine,
versus a placebo, on select mental depression
disorders. If you are interested in participating in
one of these double blind clinical trials please
contact the email address above. These phased
clinical trials are sanctioned by the Amphicaromine
Functionality Optimization Onus League (A.F.O.O.L.)
and yours truly?

Amphipoda
'64 Turquoise
San Diego, CA